I know, I know. I started this blog when I was not in a very good place. Looking back it is almost a year since I posted anything and so much has happened to me since then. I did start a post which I suppose started my journey back to what could be called normality, whatever that is.
I have still posted the odd tweet, mainy supporting someone or criticising where I felt strongly about something but I suppose my imposter syndrome has been very dominant in the last year. Anyway, here is the start of a post I started last October.
Attempt number three to put some thoughts into words. Believe me the first two attempts were not good, definitely requiring improvement.
For someone who has had difficulties with their mental health, probably for longer than I would care to admit, and someone who suffers from imposter syndrome on a regular basis, supply work has been a godsend. I have been working regularly since September and was fortunate enough to have had a three week block with the same fantastic year 3 class. What a difference a class of children can make!
It was your usual bunch of kids, the bright one, the gobby one, one who craved attention at every turn. There was also the capable but lazy, the quiet one you worry about, the one who “can do no wrong” (you know what I mean) In addition there was the one with no confidence, the one who can’t sit still, the one who has so many health issues you wonder how they don’t rattle with medication. Then there was the overweight one, the one who was just odd and the one who couldn’t remember your name even though you’d been there for two weeks. There was the loud attention seeker, the quiet hardworker, the one who rushed everything and the one who would make a snail look like Lewis Hamilton.
In short it was just a normal, everyday class made up of the different characters who can be found in every school in the country. But for three whole weeks they would be mine. I was also blessed with a fantastic teaching assistant who was clearly child centred.
And that was where my draft post ended. I am not sure why. However that three weeks made such a difference to me. I started to regain my confidence in the classroom, I realised that I could still relate to children and that they responded to me. The simple act of getting up for work without dreading the drive, without catastrophising every possible scenario and without feeling physically sick every morning was amazing. The support I received was fantastic, even to the point that the headteacher awarded me a certificate for being a great teacher. It was great!
Fast forward to now.
I have a job at my local university as a lecturer in Primary Education, I will be starting my Masters in October and I am waiting for my first children’s book to be published. My children are doing well, my wife is still my soulmate and my dog is still cute!
Why have I decided to finish this post off? Probably because it has been bugging me. I don’t like things to be unfinished. Also it may get me back to writing. You necer know.